Home looks different for everyone

A large part of special needs planning involves thinking about the living situation your child will be in when they become an adult. Many families never really think about it and simply continue on with their now adult child living at home in pretty much the same way they have been all along, but without the structure of school. Other families struggle to come to terms with the fact that their child has needs the family can no longer handle on their own. And other families prepare elaborate, detailed plans for what they see as an ideal living situation, if only it existed.

There is no such thing as an objectively good or bad choice for your child’s home. The safety and happiness of your child are prime considerations, but what makes your child safe and happy may not look at all like what makes another person’s child safe or happy.

Your child’s adult living situation will depend on a number of things:

  • their physical and other needs
  • the family’s resources
  • the needs of other family members
  • your child’s wishes
  • available options
  • and an infinite number of other factors

Even between two people with the same diagnosis, the “best” living situation for each of them will vary just as it does among you and your own friends. While you may long for a rural cottage home, your best friend from high school might be living in a highrise condo in the city. Our children with special needs are no different – there is no one right answer for how they should be living once they reach adulthood.

Here are some examples of what clients of ours have done:

  • A family of a child with physical disabilities laid out a plan to modify their home and find caregivers so that the child could live with them as long as possible and still have mobility and room for equipment.
  • A family of a child with severe behavioral issues found that an outside residential care setting provided the best solution for their child and family.
  • A family with an adult child made plans to purchase adjoining homes so that they could maintain close contact while supporting semi-independent living.
  • A family with an adult child that was able to articulate her own goals for herself helped her find a group home that had the support she needed but met her goal of having her “own place.”
  • A family whose child had intensive medical needs determined that a nursing home setting  near their family home provided the best care while allowing lots of family contact.
  • A family with a special needs child built an apartment above their garage for the child to live in with some amount of privacy, while joining the family for meals and socializing.
  • A family with aging parents focused on finding a variety of support people to provide both physical and supervisory supports to their adult special needs child so that the parents could phase out of direct care giving.

Some choices are obvious and easy, and other children’s needs present very real challenges in figuring out adult housing. Remember that nothing need be permanent – if you try something and it’s not a great fit, try something else. Housing and adult support looks different for everyone. Setting your adult child up in a home that is not with family is not right for everyone, but it is right for a lot of people and should always be at least considered. The reality is that most children with special needs will outlive their parents, and so will be in housing without family at some point in their lives. Finding that housing and preparing them for it while the parents are still alive and able to be involved may be a kindness both to the adult child and also to the rest of the family.

While home may look different for everyone, good planning is always needed to pull off the goal. When you’re ready to start, call or email us for a quick consultation on how we might be able to help. legal@parkercounsel.com or 833-RED-BOOT (833-733-2668)